Suddenly a tiny ray of light appears on the horizon. I don’t know why. I didn’t do anything to cause it. It’s been so long since there has been any, I am not quite sure that is what it really is. But this is a new sense, a new feeling. It is a glimpse, just a flash that there could be a new life at the end of this journey. Instinctively I know it isn’t the same life I had. But it is a future life that I believe is there. I cling to that sliver of hope.
Breast Cancer Survivor. I never related to that labeling, but I think this is what might be happening to me. Survivor. That word is bantered around alot in a much too casual way. I just looked up the definition of “survivor”: “A person who manages to live through a situation that often causes death.” Hmmm, I qualify and that makes particular sense to me since this was the week that I felt like I was dying, wanted to die, prayed to die but didn’t. I lived.
Oh, we’ve all watched those Breast Cancer commercials, where they show all those women, wearing their pink t shirts, some bald, some not, some young, some old, some walking, some riding bicycles, they are all smiling, and there is some announcer saying that these are the faces of Breast Cancer Survivors. That is so deceptive.
I want a commercial that shows the woman crying at the hospital contemplating the removal of her breasts, facing the reality of her death as she looks at her young children and tries to explain, looking down at her scars where her breasts used to be, getting the dreaded toxic chemotherapy, and at home puking her guts out and looking like she will die at any moment. That’s the reality. You earn more than a pink t-shirt after all of this and a walk around a stadium with balloons and a marching band. You have been through combat, and they give you a pink ribbon.
I think an authentic Survivor has started to be born within me. I feel a mission coming on.