Recently, I’ve spent alot of time reading about the mind/body connection about Breast Cancer. Every author I’ve read agrees that Breast Cancer patients have one thing in common. They know how to nurture everyone else but themselves and put everyone else’s needs in front of their own. Also, most cancer patients repress their emotions, especially anger, and need to learn how to release and rechannel emotions.
I’ve got a lot of work cut out for me. So I have a plan. I do not want a recurrence of cancer, so I am the one who has to change. No one else can do it for me. So I have to learn to nurture myself. I pondered that all last night and couldn’t come up with one thing that felt nurturing to me. Finally, this morning I knew it would nurture me to get the “sick energy” out of my house. I didn’t need a cleaning woman, I needed someone to help me get rid of sick energy items and sick clutter in my home.
You can’t just ask anyone to do this. But my sister stopped for coffee this morning and didn’t have anything on her schedule! Bingo! I am trying to learn to ask, she was present, so I asked. Of course, I cried when I had to ask for her help. Not as a manipulative ploy, just that it hurts me to have to ask for help!
So she took charge and told me we were getting rid of anything and everything that felt negative to me and connected to Breast Cancer. We started in the kitchen and got rid of any and all paperwork that was from the hospital from things past. That’s because I have a desk in my kitchen which is really just a junk collector and all these random papers ended up there. I didn’t need it, I didn’t want it. I threw them away. And anything I needed to keep, was placed in a tote out of my sight. Then we sorted food items. Diann redid my pantry and put items that made me nauseated in the back so I didn’t have to look at them everytime I opened the cabinet door. Medicines were next. We made sure they were off the cupboard and put away. What a difference. Immediately my mood improved, my kitchen became nurturing once again, and a place to cook not collect Breast Cancer memorabilia and pink ribbons.
Then we moved to the bedroom. She asked me what made me feel sick in there. I said walking into a room full of wigs, hats and turbans. Everytime I walked into the room it was a reminder that I am bald and enduring Chemotherapy. I hate it. So we rearranged my room and placed the wigs, hats and turbans out of sight. Next, Diann suggested I get rid of my bed spread because I told her everytime I look at it, I remember lying on the bed and crying for days on end. That girl is quick. In an instant, she had it off my bed and into the Goodwill pile. Next she found a gorgeous quilt I own that was cheerful and uplifting that was a favorite of mine and not being used. We put it on the bed and immediately, the stagnet energy had changed in the room!
At this point, she was getting inspired, and wasn’t going to let me rest! The closet was next. “What makes you depressed in your closet,” she asked. Well, immediately I knew it was the blouse I had worn on the day of my diagnosis. Everytime I walked into my closet, my eyes just focused on the despised blouse and could remember the horror of diagnosis day. I wanted it out of my house and out of my life. Bam, into the Goodwill pile. That was so freeing!
Next, Diann called a friend to help us move my furniture after I told her when this chemo crap is all over with, I am throwing away my couch. So before I knew what had happened, my living room and dining room were changed around. All these months I had spent lying on the couch in one direction, was changed! My living room felt less toxic and I felt more movement toward healing. We also placed the couch where it isn’t the focal point of the room, so this feels alot more encouraging to me.
So I now knew how to ask for help and accomplish something that nurtured me all in one day. “Maybe this won’t be as difficult as I thought,” I pondered.