I must admit many times I’ve wondered, “Where is God?” during my breast cancer and breast cancer treatment. Tough times in life always bring up this question. Or it should. It is good to ask the question. God can handle it.
If you asked most anyone if Denise is a religious person, the answer would be “Yes.” I’ve done the right things. Gone to church every Sunday my entire life, belonged to prayer groups, prayed on a daily basis, engaged in religious conversations, read so many religious books it would fill a library, and tried to be a good example to my friends. So just because I can operate under the term “religious”, what does that really mean?
While I am making admissions, I can say I’ve always been a good judge too. Sometimes not in a good way. I worked in the Court System for 15 years and my immediate boss was a Municipal Court Judge. I was paid to judge. So I have always struggled with my learned behaviors and judging others at first glance.
Really surprising for me was that some of the most insensitive things said to me during my Breast Cancer journey have been leveled at me by the really “religious” of the world. And some of the kindest things done for me have been done for me by the non-religious. Oh my, I’ve had to rethink and relearn some of my personal judgments from the past.
One think I have learned is that God sends people to love me when I need them the most sometimes in totally unexpected and surprising ways. The Muslim Medical Assistant at the Chemo Infusion area that is so kind to me and helps me every week to be in a quiet part of the infusion area, the 30 something African-American male that is always so upbeat and friendly to me at the University of Michigan Cancer Center who suggested I discover the “secret” back way of the hospital so I can take a walk outside to lift my spirits. I recently learned he is a cancer survivor. An old high school friend who took the time to come and visit me as she lives 120 miles away. After we caught up on life, I understood why she is so compassionate and understanding from things she has been through on her life’s journey.
When I was a Second Grader, the Baltimore Catechism was being taught at my Catholic Catechism Class. I remember the question, “Where is God?” The answer, “God is Everywhere.” Too bad it has taken me all these years to really learn the answer to that question.