Cancer SurvivorSHIP – Adapting and Adjusting

An out-of-town friend who is in the midst of chemo now for Breast Cancer, wrote and told me, “I just cannot wait to get my life back.”   I cringed and of course, did not have the heart to tell her that your old life as you  knew it is gone.  She will find that out soon enough as she continues down the path.

My sister, Diann, is discovering that right now.  She is now 6 months out of chemo and 2.5 months out of Radiation.  Her hair is coming back and looks like a cute, short cut.  To outsiders, she looks “normal”.  But adjusting to life after cancer is challenging.  You are not the same person you used to be, you feel angry that you cannot get your old life back, and you have no idea what the Cancer Survivor Life looks like.

While Diann was sharing her feelings with me, I remembered this Blog Post I wrote while I was trying to find my way after treatment.  Diann said it exactly describes what she is going through and was helpful to her, so I am sharing this post below.  If you are not a cancer survivor, it is worth the read as it perhaps will challenge you just a little!

Original Blog Post from 2013– Perhaps you landed here because you are a Cancer Survivor and are having difficulties.   Or maybe a spouse, parent, or loved one had cancer, and you do not understand why they are having such a difficult time adjusting to life after cancer treatment.

Six months into being an “official” Cancer Survivor, I made this realization:  Life is not going to be what it was before the cancer diagnosis.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I believed that someday, somehow, everything would shift and it would be business as usual, and my pre-cancer life would come back magically.   I kept waiting for it.

This all started because one morning as I was donning my Lymphedema gear, taking my medicine cabinet full of pills and supplements, trying to walk because of the severe pain (side effect of the drug Arimidex), and inserting my prosthesis in place of my amputated breast,  it finally hit me that “this is the way it is going to be and you damn well better get used to it.”

I was praying and asking for guidance about what I need to do so I can move forward and not stay stuck. The big, burly, bearded husband of television  Southern cook, Paula Deen, popped into my head.  Why is he in my head, I wondered? I don’t even know his name!  So I googled “Paula Deen’s husband” and interestingly, I found out his name is Michael Groover and he is a Harbor Pilot.   Hmmm, I thought, what does that mean for me?

I found this definition and explanation:   A harbor pilot, often known as a maritime pilot, is a boat pilot with specialized knowledge of a particular port or harbor. The pilot is needed to direct large ships into a port where there are specific deep water channels surrounded by shallower flats.     Without the services of a harbor pilot, docking ships would become a big hazard. There would be a real chance of running aground and damaging the ship and the cargo.   It’s precision work, and as with the many steps and players involved, safe docking and undocking is crucial to the ultimate success of the voyage. 

HarborPilot2Wow, I need a Harbor Pilot to help me with this part of my journey as I do not have the knowledge or tools to navigate these unchartered waters of Cancer SurvivorSHIP.  While I was out to sea in cancer treatment world, my medical team did all the captaining of my ship.  Now, I needed someone experienced in the hazards of maneuvering my ship into this new port.  And it is okay because I have never been here before, and it is all new to me.

A friend had told me a former pastor of mine from 20 years ago, who was a gifted counselor and a cancer survivor, would be glad to speak with me.   He is a survivor of a rare cancer.  He was not expected to live, but 4 years later, he is still here and celebrating life.  We shared cancer stories.  And when I heard about all that he had to deal with on an everyday basis because of all the damage done because of Chemo and high dosages of Radiation, it was inspiring and uplifting.

He then listened to me and was able to immediately assess where I was on my survivor journey.  “AA” he said, “Adapt and Adjust.”  He told me that the biggest learning curve for him in the past 4 years was adapting to what he can do, eliminating what he cannot do, and adjusting to new, yet exciting ways to live life. 

Two simple words, but because he has been there, he knew exactly what I needed.  He is a Harbor Pilot.    The imagery of my Cancer SurvivorSHIP coming into a new port, with new things, new possibilities, and new opportunities resonated with me.  Sure, in order to adapt and adjust, I have and will have to give up things that I can no longer do, no longer take care of, or that no longer serve me.   But I have, I can and I will. For the first time in a very long time, I felt real hope and not manufactured hope!   There is a big difference.

If you are a Cancer Survivor, please take time to focus on those simple words – adapt and adjust.  Perhaps, like me, you have been waiting for life to go back to the way it was before cancer.  Unfortunately, it will not go back.   But with some adapting and adjusting, you can be ready to accept the new life that awaits you.  Also, look for a Harbor Pilot to help guide your way to this new port – a support group, a counselor, or someone who has been there.  You cannot navigate these treacherous waters alone.

If you are not a Cancer Survivor, I’m not going to let you off the adapting and adjusting hook!  Perhaps it is time to review your life and see what you are holding onto that no longer serves you.  Oh, there can be many things:   a job, a relationship,  a certain way of doing things, a grudge, old habits, clutter, painful thoughts…the list goes on.  Time to adapt and adjust to new ways, new thoughts, new ideas, and new hope!  And if you cannot maneuver those waters of change, find or hire a Harbor Pilot to help you.

 

 

 

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5 comments

  1. Dear Denise, Once again you have written such wise words — not just for cancer survivors but for all of us. One of the things I think you have found out about yourself is that you are a very gifted writer. You have been able to reach out to so many people to help them through this strange and scary cancer journey they are on or have been on. Your ability and willingness to share your story and offer guidance is truly a gift from above.
    Love,
    Auntie M

  2. I have Radiation Induced Lumbar Plexopathy due to my cancer treatment.. The nerves in my lower spine were damaged by pelvic radiation and my legs are now paralyzed… There are many survivors living with various late stage side effects of treatment that affects their quality of life

    • Helen – oh my! Talk about Adapting and Adjusting! You could write
      a book about that subject with what you have had to deal with after
      cancer treatment. What life changes you have had to make!
      And you continue to teach others…thank you!

      • It helps me to share and connect with others or it is very isolating .there are others who are far worse off than me who had full body radiation .. It is the part of cancer treatment we do not hear about until it happens!!!

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